This is the hardest day yet.
I am worth nothing today.
The grief has gotten hold of me
and won’t let go.
There is an empty void
nothing and no one is able to fill.
It follows me around.
I want to go back to sleep
and wake up in the past.
My grief is complicated
by the fact that in my line of work
our lives are set forth as examples
of faith being lived out
in good times and in bad.
What if my faith isn’t holding up that well today?
What if I’m more than a little pissed with God?
What then?
As I hear from good people
trying to offer me solace
they don’t realize there is none to be found.
All the greeting card talk
of being comforted by memories
leaves me feeling comfortless
in these moments when it’s not memories I want.
I want her to peek around the corner and smile.
I want her hug that lingers and won’t let me go.
I want to hear her voice again calling me.
I want her laugh, unique and contagious.
I want her …
not memories of her …
but her.
This is where I am in this moment …
for better or for worse …
with tear-flooded eyes!
Dallis, my heart aches for you.
~ Mark Lloyd Richardson
dreamprayact 
I am so sorry, Mark. So, so sorry. You and Dallis loved each other so much. This pain is horrible. I do know that Dallis was always very, very proud of you. She still is, and forever.
Thank you, Jane. It’s rough right now, as you can imagine. We were supposed to have more time.
You are right, Mark. It isn’t fair and it just makes me feel so mad and sad for the two of you. I guess this is where I am supposed to say something encouraging, but it is difficult right now.
My heart aches for you, Mark. I know what you are going through. I’ve been there having lost my Ron, five years ago January 31. It all comes back every year. I am reliving it through you. There were times I didn’t want to wake up. I wanted it to be my time for God to take me so I could be together with Ron again. Prayers are with you continuously. It is difficult.