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dreamprayact

~ Reflections of a preacher, poet, and contemplative activist

dreamprayact

Tag Archives: loneliness

Blessing for When You Don’t Know Where to Begin

31 Tuesday Aug 2021

Posted by mark lloyd richardson in grief, Reflections

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Tags

accepting joy, blessing, fears, grief, healing, loneliness, unanswered questions

Award-winning photo of Morro Rock by Dallis Day Richardson

Blessing for When You Don’t Know Where to Begin

This blessing isn’t sure where to begin.
So many steps are just steps in the dark. 
So much of life is shaped by uncertainty.
So many questions litter our paths.
Where to begin.

Where to begin in mending one’s shattered heart.
Where to begin in creating a life on one’s own.
Where to begin in accepting joy when it comes.
Where to begin.

Even if there are discernible first steps, then what?
At the core of being human the heart beats
with a force originating in the earth’s beginnings
where fire and water and soil and air collide
and explode into wondrous breathtaking life!
Is this the place where healing begins –
as you immerse yourself in this cosmic life force?
If so, where do you learn how to do this?

This blessing sees how often you lose your way
as you unsteadily chart a strange new path alone
without another soul truly able to guide you.
What could anyone possibly say?
They would be trying to piece you back together
into their vision of wholeness.

This blessing admits defeat when necessary.
There is no winning the wrestling match with grief
when it approaches with muscles bulging
and gaze focused squarely on your weaknesses.
It will pin you every time.
Every damn time.

Maybe though, just maybe,
this is precisely what you need –
a sweeping wide-ranging battle to live
with the very things you fear most –
loneliness,
meaninglessness,
being forgotten 
left behind
as the world moves on,
accepting undeserved joy –
as you spar with your muscled opponent
who looks surprisingly familiar,
like someone you’ve encountered before
but haven’t seen in years.

Mark Lloyd Richardson
August 27, 2021
7 months

A Room Made Holy

02 Saturday Jun 2012

Posted by mark lloyd richardson in Poems

≈ 20 Comments

Tags

Buddha, Christ, compassion, grace, Hawaii, loneliness, Oahu, Pali, soul, spirit, spiritual companion

(Photo credit: Steven Davis, Pali Lookout – Oahu, Hawaii, March 18, 2009)

A Room Made Holy

The drive over the Pali doesn’t distract me as I had hoped.
The State Hospital looms large, like a guarded estate
perched on the verdant Hawaiian hillside.

The burdens I carry on this self-imposed day of reckoning
are no less formidable—a marriage lying in ruins,
a heart dashed against the rocks, an aching loneliness.
Why would anyone want to listen to another lost soul?
Indeed, I have tired of my own complaints.
Surely God must be weary of me as well.

Where does a minister go to unburden himself?
Who will pray for me when my own prayers
are strewn about like so much brittle lava?
Who will utter words of my acceptance into the human race?
Who will walk beside me while sorrow slowly yields
to the promise of God making a way in the wilderness?

I knock and a man appears at the door.
He is expecting me, and invites me in.
I reveal to him my desolate spirit, my God-forsakenness.
His eyes are a reflecting pool of compassion.

The room becomes holy—my chair an altar,
the icon of Christ a window into grace,
the Buddha on the floor a reminder to let seriousness go,
the former priest my spiritual companion.
We sit among the questions and do not worry about answers.

One thing is certain–the fire nearly went out.
So I fan the flames of my spirit-fire each day.
It is all any of us can do.
It is enough.

Words (c) 2007 Mark Lloyd Richardson, reflecting on an experience in 1999 while living in Hawaii
Photo: I am grateful to Steven Davis for giving me permission to use his photograph that I discovered on Flickr. You can also find his photos at http://www.stevendavisphoto.com.

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